Euroleague watchability scale

credits: Marc Falardeau

What if we had to rank teams in terms of entertainment instead of actual success? Mike Prada did it for the NBA. This is how it’d go in the Euroleague.

OH LOOK THERE IS CSI ON TV!
24 – Assecco Prokom

There is nothing to like in that team except if you are a headband fan. Basketball a team sport ? Not in Poland

Why I don’t like – the stat to back it up: #24 in assists/field goals made*

23 – Power Rangers Valencia

It must be the pyjamas, I mean the jerseys. Or maybe it’s the inconsistent youngsters or the unpolished big men. Watch at your own risk.

Why I don’t like – the stat to back it up: #22 in turnovers/possession

22 – Unicaja Malaga

No offence Spanish friends but does ACB stand for Attention Could be Boring ? Sure Euro T-Mac’s injury does not help but Saul Blanco aside there is no one to entertain me on that team.

Why I don’t like – the stat to back it up: #24 in defensive rebounding %age

TIMBERWOLVES-PISTONS DUDES

21 – Spirou Charleroi

Give me 5 Andre Riddick on the court and this is my favourite team. With Doctor Dre on the bench, this is just a bunch of veteran shooters.

Why I don’t like – the stat to back it up: #24 in free throw attempts/field goal attempts

20 – Cibona Zagreb

They are by far the weakest team in the League but there is something refreshing with this bunch of talented kids. Plus I have half of them in my fantasy teams – counting rebounds kind of keep me in the games.

Why I don’t like – the stat to back it up: #24 in points/possession

19 – Olimpija Ljubljana

Ok so they are winning games but if you think I’m going to watch Goran Jagodnik and Socks Pinkney for 40 minutes, I am going to need some serious amount of Laško.

Why I don’t like – the stat to back it up: #2 in three pointers attempted/field goals attempted

18 – Brose Bamberg

Yeah I know a bit high but I sort of like their team. They play up tempo and I seriously enjoy their mismatch attitude with the most undersized (Ketchup Hines) and one of the most oversized big men (Pleiss).

Why I don’t like – the stat to back it up: #20 in assists/field goals made

17 – Armani Jeans Milano

They are playing the game the right way since they top the league in points per possessions but except an occasional David Hawkins power move, the fancy plays are not so many in Armani City.

Why I don’t like – the stat to back it up: #21 in pace

I CAN WATCH ONE QUARTER

16 – Real Madrid

I know, I know. The Messina boys suck.     Their point guard does not get it. They don’t play as a team but put Llull and Suárez in Prokom and they instantly become one of my favourite teams.

Why I don’t love – the stat to back it up: #24 in pace

15 – Khimki

I just think Keith Langford is cool. Definitely in my Top 5. Plus I love the Raúl Lopez – Planinić combo running the show and Loncar’s game back to the basket.

Why I don’t love – the stat to back it up: #3 in three pointers attempted/field goals attempted

14 – Lottomatica Roma

They were definitely less impressive against teams that are not German or Belgian but they play fast especially with Luca Vitali on the court. Darius Washington and vet Charles Smith provide the highlights and Ali Traoré will bounce back!

Why I don’t love – the stat to back it up: #23 in assists/field goals made

13 – Cholet

I’m biased because I’m French and I got excited by this 3-game winning streak. Plus Sammy Mejia is awesome. The whole team is athletic and sacrifice their bodies on the hardwood.

Why I don’t love – the stat to back it up: #3 in three pointers attempted/field goals attempted

12 – Efes Pilsen

It is hard to dislike a team that shoots the lights out (1st in treys and FT percentage), especially when Rakocević says on Twitter his mojo is back but watching these guys play make me feel old. Anyone there younger than my dad?

Why I don’t love – the stat to back it up: #19 in pace

11 – Partizan

It’s not pretty basketball to be honest. But what a cast: Biz Markie de Lafayette, James “Polter” Gist, Nathan Jawai aka Baby Shaq 2.0, the rising stars (Veselý, Miloslavjević). Besides #11 is an average, more like #21 when they play away and #1 when playing in Belgrade.

Why I don’t mind – the stat to back it up: #1 in crowd disturbance

10 – Lietuvos Rytas

You can call that the Saras effect but even before he made his come-back, I enjoyed watching these guys. They got beaten up several times but there were those flashes of brilliance: Valančiūnas on the pick and roll, Gecevičius moving without the ball and obviously Khalid El Amin’s beard.

Why I don’t mind – the stat to back it up: #4 in pace

9 – CSKA Moscow

Even with Kurbanov and Sokolov on the court, I am still paying to see a CSKA match. It’s sad to see Langdon past his prime but there is individual talent everywhere in Moscow from Shved to back in action Šiškauskas and the greatest show in Europe, a certain Jamont Gordon.

Why I don’t mind – the stat to back it up: #1 in injuries/starters

NEED MORE BEER

8 – Fenerbahçe Ülker

You don’t beat Barcelona and Siena for no reason. Great point guard (Ukić), excellent execution and a little bit of Mirsad Türkcan to spice it up.

Why I like – the stat to back it up: #5 in efficiency field goal %age

7 – Panathinaikos

Watching the Greeks play is like watching a game of chess. Blows your mind and eventually make you yawn. Adding rim-shaking Romain Sato and Aleks Marić were a step in the right direction though.

Why I like – the stat to back it up: #4 in points/possessions

6 – Maccabi Tel-Aviv

They like to push the ball and excel on the fast break though the blowout against Prokom make them look prettier than they really are in terms of stats. Good to see Big Sofo with plenty of playing time and Chuck Eidson’s left hand says hi.

Why I like – the stat to back it up: #1 in steals/opponent possessions

5 – Olympiacos

I just watch them for the moment they have Teodosić, Papaloukas and Spanoulis on the court at the same time. These occasions have been rare but this is something we are going to tell our kids one day.

Why I like – the stat to back it up: #1 in pace

HONEY, NOT TONIGHT

4 – Žalgiris Kaunas

Surely a bit high but I don’t care. The cliché of the Lithuanian hairy shooter? Gone with Kalnietis and Pocius who attack the basket like it said their mom was fat.

Why I love – the stat to back it up: #1 in free throws attempted/field goals attempted

3 – Barça

Disappointing but still. It is a privilege to see Ricky grow up before our eyes. And Pete Mickeal? Best one-on-one player in the League. They are just getting started anyway. It will be a carnage again comes Spring.

Why I love – the stat to back it up: #1 in quality of the bench

2 – Caja Laboral

I don’t know about you but San Emeterio is starting to be my favourite player in Europe. I love their ball movement and Marcelinho’s creativity. But best thing with this team ? Watching Ivanovic on the sidelines. He should be a movie star.

Why I love – the stat to back it up: #2 in points/possessions

1 – Montepaschi Siena

Yes the Green Lanterns are the coolest thing to watch in Europe. And I’m not even mentioning Stonerook’s haircut here or Bo-Mac’s first step. It is like watching an ant farm for the first time. Team work at its finest. When entertaining basketball meets successful basketball.

Why I love – the stat to back it up: #1 in efficiency field goal percentage of the opposing team

*All stats from the great In the Game website

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